Last time I blogged I remember Bentley sleeping right next to me for hours. Her naps were so long! And she took like four naps a day. Today as I'm blogging she is climbing up my body, grabbing my finger to chew on while her other hand is grabbing my iPad screen and I keep having to erase what she is typing. This girl doesn't slow down. So much has changed in these last few months and I truly don't know where the time went. This past week after Bentley turned 6 months I went back to look at the pictures from when she was first born. Like right out of the chute first born. I forget how amazing that first day was. It seems like yesterday yet ages ago all at the same time. But each day only gets better. She gets cuter, smarter, happier, crazier, chunkier and louder.
(Bentley is now trying to get the water bottle I threw across the bed. Kicking me over and over trying to crawl)
Motherhood has been far more amazing than I thought it would be. I now understand everything every parent has ever said. I know I am that annoying over-sharing parent that thinks her child is the best but I can't help it! It has truly filled many holes in my life and I won't apologize for it. I will celebrate it. When Jonathan and I first got married I knew I wanted kids but I think it was out of habit of what other couples do and knew it was far down the line. Like 5 years down the line AT LEAST. In high school I don't ever recall even thinking about wanting kids. As time went on in our marriage and our siblings, cousins and friends started their families I started thinking about it more. I got warmed up to the idea but still was fine at the moment without them. And then suddenly something switched in my head that I wanted kids, a family. More so that I knew I had kids waiting to come join our family here on earth. I thought that I wanted to be a mother then. And then it just increased when it took a year of trying, the miscarriage of our first, getting pregnant again and even having Bentley. But the want and love of being a mother has truly grown more than I can explain. I don't even know how to put it into words. But the day she was born so many things got instantly better and I knew I was meant to be a mom. I didn't realize it in the early and blurry months of parenthood but now things are clearer. What a change since 5 years ago, but I guess that's what time does.
(Bentley is now pulling Memphis' hair. He is biting her. Whatever)
It hasn't come without its challenges though. I feel like the challenges have nothing to do with Bentley directly. There is now a spot in my brain that never shuts off no matter where I am or what I'm doing. That spot is constantly wondering if Bentley is okay. Is she breathing? Is she sick? Is she teething? Is she throwing a fit for grandma and grandpa? Is she having fun? Am I teaching and playing with her enough? Is she growing like she should? Is she healthy? The worry and concern never stops. And staying at home. I really am so grateful I can stay at home with her. And honestly I think about leaving her everyday and it makes me so sad and stresses me out. But it has been such a big adjustment for me. I really loved my full-time busy job and the people I worked with. So going from that to suddenly home all day with a baby was a big change. I'm still not used to it. Lately I've been so bored and even though there are things I could do, like clean, I don't want to because I do it allll the time! But it has gotten better. I think it will get even better when Jonathan is done with school because right now when he gets home he is studying or doing homework and it's still just me and a baby all day. In all honesty I would rather be bored at home than miss my baby all day. But there are plenty of bonuses too! I have sisters (in laws) that are also home and we get together often to hang out so that's helpful. It also has allowed me to find hobbies (which I didn't have much of before) and interests in new things. I also know without a doubt I have made life easier on Jonathan during this crazy time of life. The biggest bonus: since I don't get ready for work everyday I barely put any heat on my hair during the week so my hair is finally growing and is much healthier! Even though it's also falling out by what seems like the pounds.
(Bentley is screaming at the wall because she is stuck. Again)
Overall, life is good. We are blessed. We are happy. We are awesome.
